


It is not for us to warn a willful sinner.

by cenji



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Crack, M/M, lowkey bomin/donghyun, not terribly lowkey jangtag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 12:36:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cenji/pseuds/cenji
Summary: Jaehyun had been having such a lovely evening until Joochan and his friends came back.





	It is not for us to warn a willful sinner.

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a drabble. Idk what happened…

That night begins so peacefully.

At 11pm, their dorm room is quiet. Outside a few cars pass and somewhere someone is practising the guitar. Other than that, it's a perfectly calm Thursday night. Although the weather is warm, Donghyun, having no natural insulation, has buried himself under two duvets. Additionally, he has recently abandoned a pretense of studying in favour of binge reading Bomin's stash of Haikyuu. As for Bomin, he's listening to something in his headphones. Jaehyun can just about hear the heavy beat of whatever pop song it is if he concentrates. Their youngest roommate has an English test tomorrow and has been obsessively flipping through his vocabulary cards for hours. Youngtaek passed out on his bottom bunk almost as soon as he got back from his dance class. 

That leaves Jaehyun. He's curled up on his top bunk. He has a little fan whirring beside him, since he's concerned Donghyun might punch him if he suggests putting the air-con on. (Not that Donghyun can punch hard - at all - but for the sake of peace and tranquility). Currently, he's reading an old book about Aristophanes which he'd found that afternoon in a dusty corner of the library. Although he is quite enjoying it, Jaehyun's also planning to hide it under his pillow before Joochan gets back. His fifth roommate and occupier of the futon would definitely, undeniably, indubitably tease the snot out of Jaehyun if he caught him reading something like that for pleasure. 

Exactly why Joochan likes teasing Jaehyun so much… Well, that's a question for the ages. Once upon a time, Jaehyun had tried asking Sungyoon, thinking that that hyung tended to understand situations 10 times faster than Jaehyun could. Sungyoon had simply told him, in an oddly fatherly sort of way, that he was sure Jaehyun would find the answer one day. Jaehyun thought that probably meant Sungyoon didn't know and was trying to sound cool. Out of desperation, he tried asking Youngtaek too. But that time, Youngtaek just yelled, threw a pillow at him, and went back to sleep. And so the mystery lived on.

Sometime later, a car pulls up outside the dorm building. Jaehyun hears it since he's leaning against the window - he's looking for the coolest spot he can get without moving beyond his bed - but he pays it no heed. Soon though, a familiar voice reaches his ears. Several familiar voices. Sure enough, Joochan opens their door moments after Jaehyun's concealed his book and grabbed a comic to pretend to be reading. Into their tiny dorm, Joochan brings with him Lee Jangjun, Bae Seungmin, Woo Jinyoung, Yoon Jaechan, and five boxes of pizza. 

"Shove over," Jangjun orders Youngtaek, who's thrown an arm across his face in protest at being woken up. Youngtaek does shove over, however, semi-conscious as he is. Jaehyun reflects that social hierarchy is a remarkable thing. He would've been kicked into next week if he attempted to say that to Youngtaek. (Actually, it might be a similar result if he tried it on Joochan or Donghyun, he guesses, allowing himself a single wistful sigh). 

"It's stuffy in here, huh," Jinyoung comments, blithely turning the air-con on. Donghyun squeaks. Taking his opportunities where he can get them, Bomin hauls himself up onto Donghyun's bunk. 

"Need someone to keep you warm, Hyung?" he asks cheerfully, arms open. Donghyun's eyes narrow.

"I don't need anything from the likes of you, Choi Bomin." Contrary to his words, he does permit their youngest to lean against his duvet-cocoon and pass him a slice of pizza when Joochan offers a box around. 

After offering everyone a slice, Joochan lies the boxes on Bomin's vacated bed. With the soft-drinks Jinyoung brought standing on their miniscule coffee table, there is now zero space in their room, so Jaehyun figures he's best off staying up on his top bunk. Joochan glances up at him and wordlessly shoves another slice of margherita and a can of orangeade his way. Jaehyun thanks him and chomps down contentedly. 

"Bong Jaehyun, remember to eat like there are people present," Joochan jokes. Blushing, Jaehyun laughs and hides his face behind a hand. 

Having made sure everyone has food, Joochan throws himself onto his futon. Jaechan's already there, using Joochan's notebook to try to find something to listen to that they can all agree on. That leaves Jinyoung, Jangjun and Youngtaek (who's fully woken up since Jangjun put a glass of Pepsi in his hands) taking over one bottom bunk. Bomin's bed has become a pile of jackets and backpacks at one end and pizza boxes at the other while the boy himself makes himself at home up on Donghyun's bunk. Seungmin has decided the disgustingly narrow gap between Youngtaek and Bomin's bed is a perfectly comfortable place to sit. Life's different when you're treat-size, Jaehyun supposes. 

"What is this in aid of anyway?" Donghyun asks, pulling himself up from where he'd been hanging precariously off the edge. Having finally yanked the blanket out from under the heap of things on Bomin's bed, he fixes it around his shoulders, then readjusts his duvets. (Bomin spies an opening to slink an arm around Donghyun's waist and is pinched hard for his efforts).

"Joo and I aced the Sociology presentation," Jaechan explains with a proud grin. He still hasn't found something to listen to that everyone likes, so it's turning into a weird mix of things like Psy, Dalshabet, Jason Derulo, and a lot of fast European dance music that almost made Donghyun bounce out from under his cocoon. 

"I'd promised Jaechannie I'd buy him something if he passed, so…" Jinyoung gestures to the table still half full of various sodas with a shrug. His cat-like grin says he doesn't _very much_ mind his dongsaengs using him for his wallet. 

"There's no honest man - not one who can resist free pizza. I just wanted to eat," Jangjun proclaims genially. He's sitting crosslegged on the bed with his free arm around Youngtaek, who's comfortably sprawled against the older boys side while he looks at pictures on Seungmin's phone. Part of Jaehyun knows he should resist. Still, the words are right there on the tip of his tongue, spilling out before he can stop them. 

"I'm sure that's all you wanted," he sing-songs, with a waggle of his eyebrows for good measure. It gets him smirks and giggles from the others. In particular, Donghyun and Bomin are always eager to grasp an opportunity to needle their eldest roommate. Youngtaek snorts, but ignores all remarks in favour of topping up his Pepsi with pineapple Fanta. Jangjun chuckles too, but flashes Jaehyun a look that promises future pain. 

"But Bong Jaehyun, why did you even bring that up? Aren't you just making fun of them because you've been single since forever?" Joochan comments. 

"Oh! Oh, Joochannie's got a point," Seungmin suddenly yells, slapping Youngtaek's leg just because, "When did Jaehyun ever date someone?" His face looks innocent when he asks the question to the room, but it's Bae Seungmin, so Jaehyun doesn't believe his façade for a second. 

"Hey, I've dated!" he can't help but defend himself, "I've dated lots of girls." 

"That one time in high school when Yein-noona let you hold her hand doesn't count," Joochan cuts in, effectively embarrassing Jaehyun plenty before Jaehyun can embarrass himself. 

Youngtaek almost loses his Pepsi-Fanta. He was Jeong Yein's classmate and remembers precisely how red and sweaty and stuttering Jaehyun was that day. He remembers and goes on to regale all present with his (embellished) recollections. Jaehyun laughs along too, as a good sport. Enough time has passed, he can joke about his 17-year-old misery now. He has to wonder, though. Wasn't he poking fun of Jangjun and Youngtaek a moment ago? How has it so swiftly turned into the room reliving Bong Jaehyun's Worst NGs? A raucous cackle draws his attention to the futon. He catches his roommate's eyes, the sparkle in Joochan's gaze. Of course Jaehyun knows the answer to his own questions. Why is he being teased? Naturally it's Hong Joochan. It's always Hong Joochan. You will never make the crab walk straight, and Bong Jaehyun will never escape from Joochan's bullying. 

The conversation moves on (thank Heavens) and somehow it's gotten on to Jinyoung reliving his own high school disaster. He'd decided joining a dance team and entering a local competition would help him woo a pretty hoobae. According to Jinyoung, their performance went so badly, his hoobae had presumed they were some sort of joke group. She hadn't liked them taking chances away from "serious contenders". 

"Gahyeonnie was angry, for real," he declares, clutching his hands in front of his heart to demonstrate how seriously serious she was, "She was like, 'Oppa, I thought you were someone more reliable than this. I guess I was wrong'." Jinyoung completes his imitation with a hair flick and the painfully disappointed expression of the girl he lost. The mortifying moment is obviously still clear in his memory, even if he can laugh about it now. 

"Speaking of dance team memories," Joochan pipes up. His cheeks are pink, his grin showing his dimples. He's leaning towards the edge of the futon to survey everyone. Jaehyun notices Youngtaek and Donghyun look toward the bringer of pizza, each with a dangerous glint in their eye. They're the only two present who are currently in a dance team, they must be anticipating what's going to flop out of Joochan's mouth next. After a sufficiently dramatic pause, he concludes, "I wanna hear Jaehyun's Pick Me story again. The one with the jodhpurs."

Jaehyun's stomach drops. Joochan didn't need to add the bit about the jodhpurs. He only did so to make sure those who hadn't heard the story yet (Jinyoung, Jangjun and he thinks Seungmin. Maybe Jaechan too - but he's Joochan's bff, so who knows) wouldn't let Jaehyun live without retelling it. Indeed, he can see Seungmin lifting himself out of his crevice slightly, intrigued expression trained on Jaehyun - who, in his favourite stripy pyjama pants, pizza crumbs still on his cheek, is feeling rather exposed. 

The thing is, back when Jaehyun's family moved to Seoul and he transferred to a new high school, he learned through a lot of trial and error (mostly error) that his middle school anecdotes weren't like other kids' middle school anecdotes. Most kids had stories that began 'that one time at baseball practice'. Maybe it'd be 'that time we bunked off to go see Big Bang'. Experiences like that, that everyone could share. On the other hand, Jaehyun's memorable anecdotes included that time Ong Hyeran dared him to play Creon as camply as possible. (Their Drama teacher praised it as 'highly interesting and evocative' on his report card and even nominated him to be that semester's MVF - Most Valuable Fellow). Outside of drama club, maybe he could talk about that one time he and Dokgo Jin got lost during a class trip trekking in southern Switzerland and had their packs attacked by a herd of goats with luxuriant blond hair. (Jaehyun's had a minor phobia of ruminants ever since). And then there's the Pick Me story. The one with the jodhpurs. 

"I don't think anyone wants to hear that," Jaehyun comments, forcing a chuckle. He knows his efforts are useless. 

"I do!" Seungmin chirps, raising his hand for whatever reason. He's heaved himself out of his crevice and is curled up against Youngtaek's side, who wraps an arm around his best friend comfortably. Jaehyun doubts their tiny beds are really made for holding four people. But Youngtaek is half on Jangjun's lap at this stage and Seungmin's not really a full sized person anyway. So hopefully no furniture is going to collapse. Jangjun reaches across to pat Seungmin's shoulder and draw him closer into his and Youngtaek's bubble. 

"Yep, me too. We'd love to hear, Jaehyunnie." Jaehyun hates Jangjun a little. 

"I don't even know what a jodhpur is," Jinyoung muses, nibbling busily on a crust, "What _is_ a jodhpur, Jaehyun-ah?" 

Jaehyun's heart sighs its biggest sigh of the night. 

"Alright, I get it. First, quickly pass me a beaker of Pepsi, so that I may wet my mind and say something not stupid."

With that, he commences the recounting of his story. Personally, Jaehyun doesn't think it's so remarkable. But, given the way the others boggle at him (or, in Joochan's case, listen with a face splitting grin despite having heard it several times before), Jaehyun realises he may be missing something. 

The story begins with a rivalry between his school and the boys school on a neighbouring estate. Like any good school rivalry, no one knew for certain when or how it started. According to one legend, it dated right back to the 18th century, when Jaehyun's school had been run by Catholic missionaries looking to convert influential families and their rival school was a minor institution training local boys for the civil service. Supposedly, a boy from that school, acting on a dare, had ridden over during the Bishop's visit on a pretense of wanting to find Jesus. Somehow he'd stolen the rosary beads straight out of the man's purse. Down in the village, said boy had sold the fine rosary to a peddler in exchange for a crude carving of a bulyeowu. The peddler naturally wasn't inclined to give the rosary beads back. Even if he had, such affrontary couldn't be swallowed. Therefore, some boys from Jaehyun's school - possibly failing to imbibe the Christian values - sneaked over to the rival school in the dead of night and decorated their main hall with chicken giblets. Thus began a noble prank war. 

Fast forward a couple of hundred years and you'll find Bong Jaehyun innocently enjoying his third year of middle school. The prank war season would soon be upon them. An excited buzz thrummed in the student body. As ever, rumours were circulating about what they had planned and what their rivals would come up with. For historical accuracy and for the sake of gentlemanliness, the girls were generally excluded from all this. However, last season, the captain of the synchronised swimming team had felt compelled to avenge her boyfriend after he got tied naked to the school gate with a pigs foot in his mouth. At the tail end of the pranking season, she and her teammates had successfully replaced all the salt, sugar and flour in the boys school's stores with construction grade gypsum powder. Truly a victory for womankind, everyone agreed. Of course, it also meant that this year all bets were off. Anyone could be a target. As anticipation swelled daily, so the rumours grew wilder. 

A persistent one concerned the polo team - of which Jaehyun was a member. It came in various permutations, but all suggested the boys school were plotting to put the horses out of action. That was no good. There was a meeting at Richmond at the end of the month. It'd be unspeakably embarrassing to have to cancel their appearance. In any case, their coach's fiancée had already instructed him about a pair of shoes he was to purchase for her at Liberty, as he was going to be in London anyway. For the sake of their horses, their reputation and their coach's marriage, something would have to be worked out. 

Unfortunately, no one had counted on their coach being such a poor negotiator. Full of wiles, full of guile, at all times, in all ways were the boys school representatives, and he was no match for them. When faced with a trio of glasses-wearing, acne-ridden 16-year-olds, more than call for sanity and respect for their equine companions, their coach had agreed to settle the issue with a simple competition between men. The oldest sports teams from each school would battle each other. In both cases, that meant the archers. Only when their coach returned to the school did he discover that their archery team consisted of two members. Their rival’s had over 20, quite a few of whom had competed at the Youth Olympic Games. This was how Jaehyun found himself drafted in to make up the numbers (their archery duo had no intention of looking like fools alone for the benefit of the polo club). With his teammates, he received a crash course in targeting and types of bows and how to stop his hands shaking long enough to not kill his members. 

At this point, Jaehyun pauses in his retelling. He can see their _looks_. He knows those _looks_. Jinyoung and Seungmin have that open-mouthed fascination that says, ‘how is this truth? What on earth kind of place did you grow up?’ Jaechan’s expression is almost a smirk, unexpectedly. Jaehyun suspects he’s heard word of this story before but had presumed Joochan was pulling his leg. More fool Jaechan. The said boy eyes his friend who, as ever, is listening with rapt attention, laughing along despite knowing the story perfectly by now. Jaechan scoffs. (Joochan shoves his best friend. It’s possible his cheeks have turned some shades more pink, but Jaehyun’s probably just imagining that). Jaehyun’s glad he’s not the only one who thinks Joochan’s ridiculous. Only Jangjun’s wearing a concerned frown. 

“Sorry, but are the horses alright in the end? You don’t accidentally nail one of them with an arrow, do you?”

Jaehyun shakes his head so fast his fringe whips into his eyes. Youngtaek pats Jangjun’s leg. 

“The horses come out fine. No one harms them,” he promises. 

“Don’t spoil the ending,” Bomin complains, slurping noisily at the ends of his cherry coke. He doesn’t sound overly bothered. Beside him, Donghyun has long gone back to reading Haikyuu. 

“Guys, shut your faces, it’s getting to the good part,” Joochan gripes. Seungmin, Youngtaek, Jangjun and even Jaechan roll their eyes with impressive synchronicity. Not for the first time tonight, Jaehyun feels like he’s missing out on something. Still, he does resume his story. It’s close to the end, no sense in delaying the humiliation. As they say, one must not try to trick Hong Joochan’s teasing, but resign oneself to it with good grace. 

On account of needing neutral ground, they held their little competition down on the village green one Saturday morning. The ground wasn’t all that neutral really, although it would have been unsporting to point such a thing out. The modern boys school wasn’t as elite as Jaehyun’s school, so the crowd that gathered were overwhelmingly supporting their rivals. And quite a crowd had turned out – the village kids had always been fond of seeing the private school kids disgraced. They grew wild with elation as the competition progressed and Jaehyun’s teammates were knocked out one after the other. Jaehyun was the second last to step up. He missed. In fact, his arrow sailed straight past the target and punctured the breast of a starling who’d been flying about, minding her own business. 

(Jangjun and Jinyoung let out matching appalled gasps. Seungmin and Youngtaek reach to give their shoulders a comforting squeeze and now the four of them are one big tangle of limbs on Youngtaek’s bed. Jaehyun is vaguely disturbed, but, at the same time, his heart constricts with a pang of loneliness. The memory of the starling makes him sad too – well, a bit sad at any rate – but he doesn’t have any ambiguous friends offering him hugs. Anyway, dum spiro spero that one day someone will appreciate just how much Joochan puts him through. Internal sigh for the continued tragedy of his life). 

In acknowledgment of how the polo club had dragged their good name through the mud, the two real members of their archery team were permitted to confer with the boys school team on a suitable punishment. The gathered crowd, especially the students from the village school, had their own opinions to offer as well. The numbers watching had increased steadily as the game progressed and more locals woke up to the news that private school kids were facing a hazing on the village green. Ideas were yelled from all sides. Somehow, within that cacophony, a plan was agreed. 

The following morning, Jaehyun and his team got together outside the church. As the sermon came to an end and worshippers began to exit the old stone building, the gentle hymn playing through the speakers suddenly changed. 

_A shining light on you, I’m yours! Hey baby, show you my paradise._

The polo boys tore off their riding jackets, revealing the horses painted on their bare chests, and danced like their lives depended on it. They were barefoot, since dancing in their boots had simply sounded unreasonable. But yes, they properly wore their jodhpurs – the school crest emblazoned on the side helping to sear them into the parishioners memories. 

_Can you feel me, feel me? Can you touch me, hold on to me?_

They endeavoured to keep their helmets on. A man had to maintain some pride after all. During the chorus, however, they became too uncomfortable. The boys tossed them aside, discarding them in the church garden. The priest looked rather disgruntled by that. Nevertheless, he made no move to bring this spectacle to a premature end. As ridiculous as it may have appeared, this was all part of a venerable village tradition. Perhaps for that reason, he’d deemed it OK to allow things to proceed. Either that or the Father, too, enjoyed watching the private school kids humiliate themselves. 

_I want you pick me up!_

As the last note reverberated through the tinny speakers, Jaehyun and his fellow members raced to gather their jackets and helmets, quickly bow to the priest, and flee the scene. The spectators whooped and hollered as they scrambled around looking for their things. Various items were lobbed at them. One of their number threes had a rotten tomato hit his back, but one of their number fours had a pair of lacy knickers smack him in the face – so it was hard to judge the overall reaction. Jaehyun, for his part, found a love letter stuffed into his helmet, once he’d finally uncovered it nestled under a rose bush. He slid it into his jacket to read later. Thus ended the polo teams disgrace on the village green. Featuring jodhpurs. 

“You can’t end it there! What serious airs the rascal puts on,” Joochan protests through barely suppressed giggles, “You have to say what was in the letter.”

Open sigh this time, because surely people appreciate how hard his life is by now. 

“I don’t think anyone care-”

“Why? What was in it? Was it…juicy?” Seungmin, eyes wide, draws himself up from Youngtaek’s side and directs his question to Joochan. Jaehyun privately opines that tiny people should no longer be allowed to drink soda. 

“Did you woo a village girl, you cad?” Jangjun gasps, dramatically clutching his chest. Jinyoung and Youngtaek just giggle at that. The perfectly reasonable supposition that Bong Jaehyun could have had village girls flocking to him is funny to them apparently. Strange people that they are. 

“Village girl. Jaehyun wishes,” Donghyun snorts. Jaehyun wishes Donghyun would go back to reading Bomin’s manga and keeping his opinions to himself, is what Jaehyun wishes. He looks down to the futon and finds Joochan’s bright eyes focused on him. The younger boy’s willing him to finish. Jaehyun guesses that he’s just really bad at denying Joochan. Besides, if he must be humiliated, he may as well take the wheel of his own destruction. Jaehyun clears his throat. 

“Bong Jaehyun,” he quotes in a clear voice, “Our Bong who likes maple toast, Jaehyun-nyang who looks handsome in his school tie, Bongvely who laughs prettily, you worked hard.” Jaehyun pauses for a deep breath. His face is hot, it must be scarlet. Nonetheless, he’s pretending this is a script, and Bong Jaehyun has never been one to fumble his lines. He goes on steadily, “This hyung will continue supporting you and watching over you well. Please always come to the square to eat toast attractively. Fighting!”

The others cackle. Even Donghyun allows the blanket to slip from his shoulders while he’s getting his breathing back under control. Jaehyun grins sheepishly hearing their responses. 

“So you wooed a village hyung. Wild.”

“Laughs prettily~ How touching!”

“He must have liked you if he thought you eating toast was attractive.”

“Is that why Joo has you saved as ‘Bongvely♡’ in his contacts then? I did wonder.”

…wait. What?

Jaehyun peers down at the futon. Joochan still has a grin plastered on his face. His eyes, though – Jaehyun can practically see the lightning bolts he’s shooting at his best friend. Jaechan, entirely untroubled by Joochan trying to immolate him with his mind, takes a jaunty sip of his rock shandy. 

“Joochan-ah, really? You’re too obvious,” Youngtaek guffaws. Jangjun shoves his friend’s head. 

“Not obvious to everyone,” he growls pointedly. The heat of his words is somewhat quenched by a barely suppressed smirk. And wait one single second, pointed to what point? What’s going on? Quiet sigh for it being the hundredth time tonight that Jaehyun has felt like The Point is fluttering miles above his head. 

Jinyoung looks up from where he’d been methodically collecting stray mushroom slivers and arranging them on his pizza slice. If Jaehyun had to describe Jinyoung’s current expression in one word, he would say the older boy looks Befuddled. Meaning they have something in common. 

“So, what? He doesn’t know? Weren’t they flirting all evening? It was almost awkward, if I’m honest.”

Right. Maybe they don’t have something in common, because now Jaehyun’s seriously pondering if he didn’t just pass out for part of the evening and whatever they’re all talking about happened then. Flirting? Someone was flirting? Two someones? 

“The kid’s slow,” Jangjun shrugs as his classmate returns from mushroom gathering to scoot in beside him again. 

“Jinyoung-hyung’s right. If you’re a man, you shouldn’t beat around the bush. It’s more than two years and you’re still acting like this. Make hay while the Sun shines, Joochan-ah.” Seungmin’s not even a year older than Joochan, but that’s never stopped him pulling the hyung card to scold him. 

“Let him be. We stay him not, but let him run his course,” Youngtaek laughs, an unexpectedly diplomatic voice, “Joochan’s allowed to be slow. Some things just take time,” he adds, playing with Jangjun’s fingers where the older boy’s arm has found its way around his shoulders again. Seungmin sniffs dismissively, but doesn’t push the matter. 

Up on his bunk, Jaehyun mulls the situation over. He’s confused. Usually, the Pick Me story leads to him being teased mercilessly for the night. Yet this time things have taken a most unexpected turn. Jaehyun’s head is all muddled trying to figure out when and where. And why. And what in the world everyone’s going on about. What he has figured out, though, is that, for once in this life, it’s Joochan who’s getting teased and not him! (Happy sigh for a momentous occasion). He grins around a mouthful of cold pizza. Once in a while the wiles of the Universe work out his way. And perhaps he does think that Joochan looks cute when he blushes the colour of the pink snapdragons that used to grow around the village green. Perhaps he also thinks that Joochan’s lips look pretty when he pouts, compared to his electrifying stare. But Jaehyun’s allowed to keep all these secrets to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic's pretty pretentious for what is essentially 10 pages of crack, lmao. Jaehyun is oblivious but happy :) Joochan thought he was subtle - he was not :( Jinyoung's my fave even though he's really only here cos I wanted Jangjun to have a 97line buddy and I thought they'd match.  
> Hope someone enjoyed this ridiculous thing, lol.


End file.
